Tuesday, August 26, 2014

12 Things in 12 Months

This past week Stefan and I celebrated our one year anniversary. I married young, and I had A LOT to learn when I got married.  I still am learning everyday, but I have decided to write this post for anyone going to get married.  It is 12 things I have learned in the first 12 months I have been married. I have learned a lot more than these 12 things but here are a few big ones!

1. One of the first things I learned was that birth control makes you a crazy person.  It's okay, it happens to the best of us… Sometimes you cry and you don't know why! (husbands- it is okay, they do love you and they aren't completely crazy, it's a normal reaction, sometimes just let us cry and have our moment and we will feel better.)
2. Some of the best advice that I got when we got married and something my parents were always examples to me about is never talking bad about your spouse to ANYONE, not even your mom. When you talk negative or complain to anyone about your husband it makes you think negatively.  Sometimes, other people egg you on even more.  Stefan and I have made it a point to always just talk to each other if we are having any problems with the other person. It always brings us closer together and helps us grow as one.
3. Food goes bad REALLY easy. Every time I turn around my leftovers are moldy, milk is sour, apples are squishy and my potatoes have grown limbs on them! Bomans Grocery Store should give me a frequent shopper discount because I feel like I have to go everyday!
4. Sometimes it is okay to have cereal for dinner.  You can't be a perfect wife, as much as you think you can.  Somedays life gets crazy and you don't make dinner… you're not a bad wife it happens to everyone! Your friends might post their amazing dinners that they made on instagram… but remember that people only post the good things they do!
5. Marriage isn't for you. It is not about you. Marriage is about the person you married. I read this article awhile back and I couldn't have put it better myself. Marriage is all about being selfless, about serving and being there for your spouse. In the article it says "No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It's about the person you love--their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, "What's in it for me?" while Love asks, "What can I give?"  You can read the article here > Marriage isn't for you
6. Realize what it worth fighting about.  You may WILL disagree on things. You were raised differently and you will see things differently. But take into consideration what is worth causing a fight about. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  I grew up in a home where I never once saw my parents fight, they both just talked things through and didn't ever make a fuss about things that don't matter. Is it always easy? No. But it will be worth it! Sometimes I just have to keep my mouth shut and a little while later I will completely forget about it or realize it wasn't worth fighting about.
7. Keep Heavenly Father in your relationship.
8. Pray together and Pray for your spouse.  This is some of the best advice we got from our singles ward bishop. Every time you pray together, thank Heavenly Father for something about your husband that day, big or small, something that you noticed. It is good to hear the things our spouse is grateful for us for doing as well as for us to take a moment and notice what they are doing.
9. You will be tempted to buy a dog now that you are a family…. Don't do it! Especially if you live in an apartment! Haha don't get me wrong, I love my dog! But puppies hold you back and you can't always do as much when you have them.  Now that our dog has gotten a little older it is a lot easier, but when she was a puppy it was a pain in the butt! I love her now… but for awhile there I wish I waited longer to get her.
9b. Marriage makes you baby hungry.  I don't know what it is, but the second I got married I was ready to be a mom. Although I am far from ready, every baby we see Stefan has to deal with my puppy dog eyes asking if we can have one. Then it goes back to my #9 (which is why this is an extension of #9) if I thought a puppy was hard… I shouldn't even think about a baby!!
10. You become your own family.  All your decisions now are between you and your spouse. Not you and your parents. This one was a hard thing for me because I am so close to my parents and I want their opinion on everything.  But when it boils down to it, Stefan and I have to make our decisions between us, not based on anyone else.
11. Money, money, money. Something that I think every couple deals with.  I didn't have the best concept of money when I got married… so this was definitely a lifestyle changer for me. I am still learning to budget and save…. but sharing our bank account has helped us a lot because it is our money not just his or mine. Which helps me think more before I buy!
12. You will never be perfect! It is impossible to be the perfect wife, although I still beat myself up about it sometimes.  I have had to come to the conclusion that I can't do it all. If somedays the house is a disaster and we have to eat fast food, it isn't going to kill us. Sometimes bad days just happen. Don't compare yourself to the people around you, because what you see on the outside isn't the whole story. Be happy in where you are and what you are learning from it.

Marriage really has been the best thing in the world for me.  We have so much fun together and I am so happy that I found Stefan when I did. We had an amazing year and I know we will have many more to come. I know we will have many trials ahead of us but I am grateful I don't have to face them alone.  One year down, eternity to go!


  1. You are so cute Jess! And for the record... we tried to warn you about the dog in the apartment. Hahaha! I'm joking. But really- how cute is Roxy now!? I love her! Haha. You two are seriously the cutest.

  2. Jess I love this! Especially the birth control one because I seriously feel like a crazy person! Hope you doing good we need to go to lunch soon!